Part of being in any relationship with someone is to consider how much they value you. You want to know how indispensable you are in the life of the person. Can they live a day without you and be able to detect the void created by your absence, or life would go on as normal as if you had never popped up in their lives to begin with? We all know that feeling (at least now that I think about it) of being valued more than expected.
A serious relationship is defined as the kind of relationship I always avoided until I turned 30 and was anxiously looking for a life partner. Well, that definition isn’t what you find in any dictionary but I have only my experiences to share with you; not theories or definitions. I am talking about the kind of painfully boring, laboriously demanding, and extremely fun depriving relationship that is full of openness, vulnerability, loyalty and all the other virtues that ends in ty. Including commitment, forgiveness, tenacity, sex (very little and routine, sometimes even monotonous), trust, generosity and empathy. The list could go on to reach the heavens.
These are the things you do not bring to a relationship when all you want to do is count how many of the area girls have screamed your name while lying helplessly on your bed of lies. It is the kind of relationship, I reiterate, which I never wanted until I wanted it. Because believe it or not, when the time comes for you to make the ultimate choice of selecting a woman to help in the attainment of your dream and help raise your kids (provided you are potent), you don’t only go round looking for the lady with a millionth skills in bedroom-cology. You look for stability, for simplicity, for maturity, and for someone altogether accommodating and beautiful.
But I have come to realize that it doesn’t end there. When you have found the one; the person you want to make life with, you cannot keep treating them as you would a mere fling. You approach them and the relationship with a completely new approach and as I have mentioned above it is not what you get with ordinary hookups and flings.
The process is very much like a child who has to decipher a bunch of instructions to assemble and unlock the real capability of a new toy. It is only by figuring out all the parts painstakingly that he gets to play with this toy. Even still, the pace at which he does so will determine how long it will take him to show it off to his friends at the playground. Sometimes the best thing to do is to attempt solving them even if it means asking for help from grownups. The time it takes for him to do so does not matter so long as he is willing to figure all the parts out. Especially if this particular toy has some rare features.
But as we all know, a typical child will discard the toy at the least difficulty in determining how it ought to be operated. He will, 90 percent of the time move on to a new toy in the set. Or cry for a new one from his mother. He will yearn for something simpler, something that wouldn’t require so much effort to put together even though he knows he will be getting even less satisfaction and pride from the new toy as he would from the one he gave up. And I have realized that a good many times, we give up like the child, and walk away from relationships that could have landed in a more satisfactory union than what we end up with.
All evidence proves that man was never made to walk alone. From the Genesis of the universe God affirmed strongly that is no good for man to walk alone. The man will need a woman and the woman should desire a man. It is therefore no mere chance that we have an almost insatiable desire to fall in love over and over again amidst failures and heart breaks. It is natural to want to be with someone other than ourselves who will take our interests at heart and value us. And part of getting that someone is trying to be that someone who will be open, respectful, and committed to the relationship. Taking the relationship serious means becoming vulnerable. The kind of vulnerability that leads to Trust, Love and Commitment.
I will love to hear your take on what can be done to make the people we love feel appreciated. Leave a comment.