Lifestyle segment with Shejackiesays
WHY PEOPLE HAVE SEX ON THE FIRST DATE
Everyone’s heard the rule: don’t sleep with someone new until the third date. Whether it was a TV show, a friend who serves as your dating guru, or the radio talk show host you listen to (despite not really liking them), someone, at some point, has drilled this rule into your head.
While most of yall seems to know this rule, those who actually follow it are much fewer—.So if more people are okay with first-date sex than not, why do we still treat it as taboo?
Part of it, says sexpert April Masini : is the potential it creates for unmet expectations.
“I hear from women who have sex on the first date, and then try to leverage that act into love,” says Masini. “They impute their feelings about the sex on a first date onto the other person. And those who feel that sex on a first date means interest are often hurt if a second date doesn’t evolve.”
If you like someone and want to date them but they don’t feel the same, of course that’s going to sting. Having had sex with that person might make it sting a little more, but that doesn’t mean having sex necessarily makes another person less likely to want to date you, or that it can singlehandedly turn a nice person into a callous one.🤔
When people talk about having sex ‘too early,’ I think what that means is they found out someone was a jerk ‘too early,’” says Dirty Lola, “If they stopped talking to you because you had sex with them the first night, they were going to stop talking to you after the fifth date when you thought it was special and lit candles and had sex, and then it’ll be worse for you because you’re more attached. I don’t think it has anything to do with ‘too early.’”
In other words, a wolf in sheep’s clothing is still a wolf no matter when you take its clothes off. If someone’s into you, they’ll text you back, and if they’re not? The stakes needn’t be as high as they once were
In the frequently nonsensical world of love and sex, a rule like “don’t have sex on the first date” can feel comforting. But that’s just not how things usually work. So the next time you’re on a really great first date, and you’re into each other, and you both want to have sex, there’s no need to feel like you’re breaking dating law.
“It’s okay if you like someone or you’re just plain old attracted to them,” says Lola. “If you want to get down, that’s totally fine.